Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
