It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
accomplished twins. life is a go
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
