So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
