dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
