Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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