Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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