Tell her she can't have a vagina
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
