They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
