My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
