I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
