She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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