she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
There's always time for handjobs
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
