Swine flu is the new snow day.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize