I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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