I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
