Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
