Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
