Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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