I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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