she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
