Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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