yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
