ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
