Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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