I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
