pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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