I look better un-naked...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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