I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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