i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize