we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
