We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
