So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
