The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
