dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
