remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
