Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
