We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
