it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
