This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
