chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
