Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
