Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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