i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
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