So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
