Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize