okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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