my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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