after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
