i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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