Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
