Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
