I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize