If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
