is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
