whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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