She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize