this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
