Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
