and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize