If i come over, it means nothing
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
