You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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