if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
