I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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