Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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