Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
