Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
