Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
