Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
