Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
