if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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