Your mouth is God's brothel.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
